> All Tennis players are witches. Goran, even he’s a witch!
> To err is human. To blame your partner is doubles.
> A middle management executive has to take on some sport, by his doctor’s orders, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing. “It’s going fine, ” the manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, ‘To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'” “Really? What happens then?” the secretary asks. “Then my body says, ‘Who? Me? You must be kidding!'”
> An elderly Eastern motorist and his wife driving through Arizona on vacation saw a horseman riding alongside the road and stopped to ask if he were a real cowboy. The man answered, “Yes.””We recognize your hat, shirt, leather vest and Levi’s as authentic Western wear,” the motorist said, “but why are you wearing tennis shoes?” “Because if I wore boots people would think I was a truck driver,” he replied.
> … After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America’s recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
> You Know You’re In Alaska When…. you have tennis elbow but have never played tennis, just snagged a lot of salmon.
> The Tennis Player’s Prayer
Please don’t let me be so nervous
When I toss the ball for service.
Give me speed and strength unhaulting,
Aces and no double-faulting.
Instill in me the skill and dash
Of Agassi, Williams, Roddick and Ashe.
When a high lob starts to fall,
Must I always miss the ball?
Lord, I know you could, I’m sure,
Find me a Tennis Elbow cure.
With the guidance from above,
Never let me fall in ‘love.’
And, Lord, while on matters of this sort
Please let me find an open court!!
Q. What do you serve but never eat?
A. A Tennis ball.
Q. Why you should never fall in love with a tennis player?
A. To them ‘Love’ means nothing.
Q. Why are fish never good tennis players?
A. They don’t like getting close to the net.
Q. Why is tennis a noisy game?
A. Because each player raises a racket.
Q: What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball?
A: “See you round..”
Q: Why are fish never good tennis players?
A: They don’t like getting close to the net. A boy went up to his tennis coach & said ” I need a new racquet, this one’s really busted up”.The Coach said “yeah, that racquet’s got more chips in it than Mcdonalds”.
Q: How many tennis players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “What do you mean it was out, it was in!!!”
Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
Q: What is the definition of endless love?
A. Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis
Q: Where do ghosts play tennis?
A: On a tennis corpse!
Q: Why is a tennis game a noisy game?
A; Because each player raises a racket.
> Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of tennis shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, “What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can’t outrun the bear!”
To this the hunter said, “I know, all I have to do is outrun you!”
> Jay Leno: “Anna Kournikova is apparently dating singer Enrique Iglesias. You hear this? Said in the paper he had three tennis courts installed in his house so that she could practice. And today she said, ‘Practice, what’s that?'”
> A married couple go to hospital together to have their baby delivered. When they arrive, the doctor says they have just taken delivery of a new machine which transfers a portion of the mother’s pain to the father.”Would you be willing to try it out?” asks the doctor.
“Yes of course,” says the husband, who is very much a Sensitive New Age Guy. As the woman goes into labour, the doctor sets the machine to 10 per cent and asks the man if it hurts.
“No, it’s fine,” he says. The doctor raises the setting to 20 per cent. “Still okay,” says the man. The doctor gradually lifts the setting to 50 per cent. The husband closes his eyes and grits his teeth, but insists he can cope without any problem, so the doctor raises it gradually to 75 per cent.
“I can take it,” says the husband. “Give me the full 100 per cent.” So the doctor does, and the wife bears the baby with no pain at all. The doctor goes off to write up the case for The Lancet, while the couple take their baby home.
On the doorstep they find the wife’s tennis coach dead.
Q: What did the tennis ball say when it got hit?
A: Who’s making all the racquet?
> While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennisball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
“What’s that?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.
“Oh,” said the blonde sympathetically, “that must be painful…. I had tennis elbow once.”
> A school teacher told her students that if they could answer a question on Friday afternoon before they left for the weekend, then they wouldn’t have to attend classes on Monday.The teacher asked her class, “Okay, kids, how many grains of sand are on a beach?”
Well, none of the kids had the answer, as suspected. The teacher expresses with a grin, “Have a good weekend everyone, and we’ll see you all on Monday morning!”
The following Friday, Little Johnny brought two freshly painted black tennis balls to class. That afternoon, the teacher said, “Okay, kids, it’s time for our question…”
Little Johnny quickly threw the two black tennis balls at the teacher. Shocked, she insisted “All right, who’s the comedian with the two black balls?”
Little Johnny replied, “Bill Cosby, see you on Tuesday teacher!”